Am I What I Am

Bravura show, by John Barrowman.
At least I do think so.
The lyric is obtrusive and meaningful.

Candidly I know myself quite well. I really do.
I know what I want.
I know what I love.
And I know who I am born to be.
Notwithstanding, there is still a HUGE catastrophic fiasco in myself.

I AM NOT WHAT I AM.
This is ludicrous.
I am just the doll that the society wants,
the doll that my parent expecting me to be.
Environment is deciding for me
what to do, where to go.
I know this is absurd.
But this is me.

People just can’t see the ripple undulating in my heart.
Struggle.
Contemplation.
Not their faults though because I let it happen.

My parent determined my future.
Yes you are right.
Dentistry is not my choice. And it’ll never be.
My mum pushed me to physic tuition when finally I got my only chance to learn piano.
My dad sent me to boarding school when I found a teacher who was kindly enough to teach a 12 years old boy some painting stuffs.

And I ended up don’t know anything about art and music except those F=ma and how to stay with 20 students in a room.
Not the time for fingers pointing
I know they want to give me the best.

I don’t really want to be a dentist.
*but i would love to consider the wage
I hate biology. I swear.
I never score A for biology.
I won the Senior Math Champion, ACCIDENTALLY.
Gosh. I hate math so much.
I joined the competition because they would give us hamper if the whole class takes part.
I don’t like wedding dinner.
But my parent keep saying I need to meet those relatives.
“wah..so pandai ah..mau jadi doctor ah..”
“wah..so tall now. Remember last time you were so small bla bla bla..”

Ok.I have no idea how to continue. Dammit.