You be a bitch because you can.

So ashamed to admit this, but I have too many unhealthy theories in my mind. Like Bersih 3.0, they all are clamouring to make a way out to this world.

Saturday night has always been my favourite moment of the week. The idea of sipping on a cup of hot beverage and writing or drawing is very sexy; the process of achieving it with crusty Doughnut in my hand and Cranberries in my ears is simply divine. This is a rare moment when I'll let you slap my face if you're feeling upset because everyone in your class went for movie and never thought of inviting you.
Come hold my hands and join the cleansing breath!

Yesterday Peta and I had this conversation about..being liked. Be frank I have limited comprehension about the feeling of being liked, well given the history that people have been spreading rumours about me, you can't expect much from me. Probably you've heard from someone who is friend with someone who is friend with someone that I'm the stingy weirdo with Marfan Syndrome who refused to pay after hopping a ride to Malacca and complained about lecturer being too harsh on me because I'm a spoiled brat.
It never stop ever since I graduated from high school and stepped into foundation,till now. I never bother to explain.

Back to being liked, I can play nice too if I am after the lunch-with-my-gang-dinner-outside-AIMST routine. Up till tonight, I still enjoy dinner with myself, and with lots of potato in my plate.
Or let's think from a childish aspect, If I learn to be nice at this age, what am I going to do 20 years later? If I misbehave today, the worst that I would get is the poison of my teenage dream; but if I am not friendly when I get 40, I would be in serious shit.

If blogspot doesn't lie, then yesterday I had one new reader from Argentina. I am 23 years old and there is no conclusion for this entry, voila!

Rebel without a cause

"He is so arrogant!"
Not going to lie, I build my reputation on my...hauteur.
I don't say Hi or Bye or Thank you, unless you are my patients; I don't wish you Happy Birthday or Happy Braces-free Day; I will hate you if you approach and ask how is my day; I am not sorry for not being nice to people.

There is this girl who always apologize for, let's say, everything.
There is this boy who always smile and help people.
Sometimes I look at them, hesitating if I should pick up a thing or two from them.But I run away because they scare the hell out of me.
Champagne for girls who cut their heads bold.
All these years I grew up feeling..DECENT, I did my homeworks I finished every single rice in my plate I will be shy if you stared at my drawing for too long.
I like Miley Cyrus and Taylor Momsen, I respect their transformation from sweet princess to Gothic doll.
Ps, I like girl with husky voice and tanned skin, I think it's sexy.

Champagne for boys who ruin their guitars into million pieces.
Honestly I think human being is the biggest demon of all time, especially the smart philosophers. They are still able to control your mind although they are dead for centuries, yet bunch of people spend their life worshiping their wisdom and cleansing power.
You would probably say I'm not mentally healthy; I say this is a fraud of those insecure people who decided to make them the majority and get the power to judge.



Human being like power,some. I've seen this many times in chinese tv show. They work so damn hard and squeeze their life dry, just for the mere promotion and increased salary. The ancient princes killed their siblings for the throne, I asked Melvin why, he said " Everyone wants to be king and be powerful, don't you?"

Seriously?SERIOUSLY??

Self improvement is not the solution.

"What are you trying to prove? Doing all the things that you do, writing all the things that you write.."
Seriously,this is the most..(I wouldn't say stupid,but close enough) question ever.

You want an answer, I'll give you one.
I'm not trying to prove anything, I'm destroying everything. All this time I've been so well adjusted to all the luxuries and I've been so inured to all the colourful shits that people never stop throwing at me, 3.124 minutes ago I was still quite proud of my ability of self entertaining but what is really happening is I've stop growing.

 

Ten years of hostel experiences has always been my biggest achievement in life,but it's my biggest obstacle too. I was well trained to adapt myself in various situations. The secret is I always change the new, awkward environment into the old, familiar and cozy one. Never thought of seeking a new way out, never thought of getting a new blanket because I'm afraid I could not sleep at night if the smell of my baby blanket is gone and replaced by some shopping mall scent.

Sometimes it takes us a huge breath to make a small baby step; sometimes we can only afford to dream big because we don't want to lose all the things that we've worked hard for.

Self destruction is the new bitch in town, haven't you heard?

Put me in a movie

For years I've been wanting to find a new place, perhaps an apartment on 73th floor, room with transparent walls, where white collar slaves from opposite building can spy on your sleeping torso every morning and grumble on their miserable life.
Or desert, I will leave my footprints all over the mysterious place with my camel. Showering in the river and wear something made out of leaves while waiting for my clothes to dry.
Exhibitionist. Because I've got nothing to lose, except my teeth.

I grow up in bus.
Spending long hours in your own tiny yet secured dimension, my body never get much chances to move, gleefully my brain does. I composed lyrics for graduation songs in the bus;I maintained a static position and finish my novels in the bus;I cogitate about my life that has been warily planned out for me ever since I was born.

The plan is already there, the voices of your parents, so naked in your ear, it sucks on your rebellion and blossoms into a picture of your future in your mind. What are you trying to pull?
I'm looking for the last drop of my original destructive atom.

Sometimes they don't let you accelerate or slow down because they've already calculated every step meticulously, you obey and follow. In the end you don't know what's it like to be a grown up, hence you accessorize yourself with sophisticated gadgets, calling your balls man because you can demand your parents to buy things for you. What you don't know is, they have your balls in their fists, but they cover it with true love.

Society has trained you so well that you never get the opportunity to enjoy poking finger into your nostril in public, that's how you make the wrong decisions and bad friends. You never smell them properly when they're around but only to be so brassed off at your mistakes at home when the night is quiet and nobody is watching.

You can be selfish when you're searching and setting up your dreams but you can't go the same way when you want to establish them. Too many considerations, too many distractions.
Parents are getting older and as much as they want you to fulfill your goals, they'd like to be in your plan too.
Don't abandon them for your beautiful luxury.
 
I give up my dreams for a reason. A very solid reason.