I'm not a fun guy.

You know when you're supposed to focus on phagocytosizing your notes but you have the congenital procrastinator disorder, this is the time when your imagination comes alive and bring you to the universe.
If the condition is chronic enough you might be able to recall how much money you owe the girl who sits next to you and what have you done right after the second year final exam.

I can remember clearly what I did right after my major exam last year. Or few months back.

Ok I cleaned my room. And filed up my notes.
These are the SAME two things that I do EVERYTIME the liberty bell rings.

Somehow it confuses me how do those people manage to go out after exam. It's not like I am THAT fatigue but I always end up cleaning my room and notes and go to bed when the dawn breaks the serene horizon.

I remembered Melvin once said this to me when he came back from Redang Trip after the 2nd year final : Harrr you stay in your room ONLY for so maaaaaaany days? Not sien(boring) meh?

No la I did go down to cafe for meals.

*KK asked me the same question few hours ago. And I curi-curi edited his photo HAHA :)

Yes I guess you're right. I'm really really really(3 times!) a vapid teenager.
Staying in my room and read my story books and watched my favourite shows, so far that was the closest to the best time of my life.
See.

Go out with friends la or eat some cheese cakes or inhale the delightful oxygen in shopping mall la!
Uhh.neh!
I already spent a lot of time for exam and my nerve impulses were maintained at the plateau level for few months that's insane.
I need time for myself. Like a mini meditation but not that spiritual or ethical.

Like..spending time to know more about yourself. Then may be you get bored then you watch porn and masturbate. That's COMPLETELY fine. After that you continue your rumination about forgiveness and love.

Or like..You read others' blogs and discover the other human beings on the other side of the earth. Not necessary have to go out and catch the latest movie in cinema. OMG i'm so antisocial.

*I want to watch this movie - Natalie Portman's Black Swan!!!

And like..(Oh this is my favourite!) Imagine how're you going to meet your future wife. Is it like you running your finger across those book spines in an ancient library and there is another lovely lady with plaits doing the exact same thing from the opposite site and finally two fingers stop at the same book and you two exchange a small grin?(but if the book is Fight Club then probably i'll take the book and run HAHAHAHA)

*FYI that is Audrey Hepburn

Or you're licking your favourite icecream in a joyful beach together with your adopted son and then your little cute son goes make friend with a little cute girl who is sitting with her very young mother at the bench next to yours.

Told you. Imagination brings you to travel the infinite universe especially during exam period.

Time to study!

My armpits cold sweat when I get nervous

(not a very pleasant title isn't it?)

Like during my first clinic session I went to the washroom every 0.5 minutes (to *ahem-dry my armpits-ahem*) before my patient show up.
Part of me was praying harder than usual hoping he wouldn't turn up. Well. All I can say is my dream came true, eventually.
(he skipped my dental appointment twice and the only time he came i waited for one and a half hour. Now i'm praying for a new and punctual patient)

Like when Aimee asked me to try the pendulum stunt this Thursday. I was incredibly ecstatic and my armpits were cold sweating in sync -___________-
After watching the video and I came across this comment : Did the cheerleader die?
*sorry i need to stop typing. My hand is busy looking for tissue papers again

Like when I imagine the restorationS (yes i need to emphasize the S) that I'm going to try this Friday..oh poor soul.
I've never done any restoration on REAL patient yet NOT EVEN ONCE! How am I gonna do six restorations in 2 and a half hours?
Are you armpit cold sweating?

Oh yeah you bet!

This reminded me that I have oral radio practical next Tuesday and Dr Sham asked me (very specific ME) to memorize the angulation.

It's Christmas.Again.

I love Christmas. Everyone does.

In fact I used to sit by the window sill on Christmas morning to check whether God will show His mercy and miracle by giving Malaysia a white christmas.
As much as I can remember I never had any white Christmas so let's keep our fingers and toes crossed.

Eventually the absence of snow doesn't bother me anymore ever since Harry Potter first joined my Christmas with his sorcerer's stone.

Somehow I invited Harry Potter and his gang to my Christmas Night every year and we enjoyed the magic movies together, but my guests always sat opposite me and squeezed their asses in a small electronic box.

I guess this is their Hogwarts courtesy.

There is rumour spreading around saying Neville Longbottom is a catch and Hermione Granger finally get rid of her puffy hair.

I'll ask them 3 weeks later.

Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time.
Merry Christmas people.

(Oh that's my room door isn't it beautiful?)

I find myself terribly gauche

How I wish I were him

Since the frequency of me gnawing my day off by facebooking is getting higher and higher.
Not to mention the butt shape stain left on my chair.

The weather's been so crazy and I barely move my ass.
Despite the fact that everyone is hanging out with everyone it doesn't pull me out from my alone-yet-not-lonely imaginary world.
This debilitating lifestyle I'm leading isn't healthy.

Friends like to tell me their stories.
Well I'm everybody's confidant I know.
Okay now you have a problem with that statement. Don't give me that look.

"If I want to play with you then I'll bring you to cemetery and watch Psycho there. And if I don't want to fuck around with you, then I guess I'll smash your ass when you try to high five me."

I answered my friend callously when he told me all his kindergarten friendship problems that he 's been dealing with.

That is my solution.

Asshole.I know.I am.

My dad always asked me to make friends with everyone.
Who knows you might need them one day.
Oh well I don't think I will live that long on earth.
Come on cancer is everywhere nowadays. Plus that Superbacteria already started building up its fame.
Why bother smiling to people that you don't want to hang out with?
Just tell them there is always some other nicer people who will appreciate them.
And if I really have problem next time then I'll suck it up.

At least I'm a nano better than those who told me every single bad thing about the other human whom you give him your fake sweet grin every morning.

What a contumely huh.

This is not a piece of paradigm that would promise you a better life.
Just my another shit that refused to come out from my anal.

Bastard.I know.I am.

Let me be nice for once.
Blake Lively! The temperature outside is nothing.

These Romantic comedies.

They make me wanna cook a pot of loving relationship so ruthlessly to throttle the deadpan celibacy.

Because it's not THAT easy to hunt down THE ONE during the ocean of stranger.
Hence I was flummoxed and made a dramatic decision that night.

The next morning I woke up early and spruced up myself.
I rubbed the soap vigorously on my skin, hoping every spore will absorb the tinge of fragrance.
Not too soft but not too showy.
I chose the most marvelous shirt I ever had.
Gel my hair.
Cover my acne.
And way before everything I did some push up to obtrude the muscle.
Yes I am that kind of..whatever you call it.

After that I grabbed my books and mp4.
Oh yes bookish and vibrant!
And of course I changed my nerdy specs before leaving the house.

Feeling the morning fresh breeze I told myself nonchalantly:
Everything is just gonna be fine.

I got a table in library and started reading Local Anesthesia.
The Hannah Montana songs were playing in my mp4.
It reminded me of those hilarious scenes of Miley and Jackson.
And Lily and Oliver.
Then I burst into laughter.

Play cool man. Stop smirking!
No gawky ogrish scraggly thing. Not today!
Okay come back come back.
.
..
...

Then I look at my watch.

Oh man...
I got myself lost in the book for few hours.
And I forgot about my mission completely.
I closed the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.(HAHAHA)

I went back to my room.
And here I am writing down my pathetic pantomime.

It's okay.
Those people in the movies always had 4287650 lovers before THE ONE.
Even Prince Philip also had to killed the Maleficent before he kissed Princess Aurora.

Tomorrow is gonna be a fairy tale.

When I rattle on my thought of independence

it writhes my consciousness in staccato.

If Independence can be categorized into Physical Independence and Mental Independence I am bloody sure I'll score a turd in the latter aspect. Or may be both.
Spending 6 years in boarding school definitely didn't expunge me from the list of sybaritic tyke.

I am still loath to do my laundry.
I need a slave.
I am irascible.
Don't you ever comment on my frailty if you don't want to taste my callous exasperation.

Although my mind constantly hypnotizing myself, saying I am a fully fledged teen and I can drink coca-cola as much as my dad does, in fact it isn't hard to find out the same inscrutable mind's avarice for being coddled by his mum.

ibu is a prettie. She has long and slender legs.

Well I get miffed when my mum calls me 5 times a day but still..ibu is ibu. She gotta do what she gotta do.
Like other housewives, my mum loves to tell me all the gossips in my neighbourhood. Indeed my sister finds it very mou liew and always complains my mum talks too loud to the phone, strangers on 10 streets away can hear my mum unbearable lovely laughter.

Nonetheless I think this is her kinda odd and unique modus operandi to let us know where we belong to after spending those countless days apart from the neighbourhood.

I totally inherited her leg gene.

Frankly I enjoy the way my mum starts our new day together with a cup of morning milk and the story of her friend's dentist daughter.

Ooy how about your squawk about being an independent and intelligent young man then?

Well I don't mind strangers peering at me in toilet as like I can feel their eyes burning a hole in the back of my head while I attempt to force out a pitiful amount of urine that can constitute a piss, if you consider this as a special part of deviated independence..

ye ken what ah'm saying?

Here it is the paroxysm of despondency when the ending of holidays chimed.
I appease my inscrutable chagrin, thinking the school will be bedecked with tennis girls in short white skirt.
I narcotize my fidgety loathing, imagining the lashing of exhilaration when you meet the familiar faces again.(like when Harry meets Ron and Hermione!)

But this is what I felt when the bus approaching SP bus station.

The miffed raid of adrenaline.
Involuntary throbbing of my gluteus maximus.
The dour squawk of arteries. I didn't even notice my mp4 ran out of battery.
Callous freezing of my feet. I contracted my toes spontaneously.

Yea I was in orgasm physically but languished in the deadpan oblivion sexually.
I was bloody nervous.
How ludicrous.

Deep down I know I don't like being a dentist anymore.

The bespoke blue suit doesn't deserve an oaf.
Delirium.
Give me some Veronal.

I guess it's time to go home

I don't know but if you ask me specifically do I miss home?
I don't think so.

People judge.
Everyone does.
A photo.A word.A decision.An expression.
That's the reason people always don't understand the reality.
They believe what they think and what they see and they make the judgement hastily without giving the effort to understand you better or deeper.
What a rushing world.Absurdity.Fake.

Yes JohnMayer I live so well in my imagination too.

I barely step out from my room after the final exam.

(Go ahead with your little judgement.sick.sociophobia.what-screwyourlittlestinkingtongueidon't fuckingcare-ever)

The hectic living schedule evacuate my soul.
The way they build up the interactions just make me so..exhausted.
So many people out there don't give a shit to themselves.
They just go out having fanatic fun and die in bed when the moon says hello.
That's how the youth rock the world,you said.

Well you want to know my thought?
I would rather extract my teeth one by one without any anaesthesia.
(No that's just kidding.I can't abide the kind of agony.)

He is Tyler. I gave birth to my baby when the final started.

He grows 3cm in one day, and I feed him with just water.
Sadly I am uncertain that I can see the budding of my wit after 21 years of nutrition and education.

Anyway. Just go home.

The place where you were born.
Then figure out a way to furbish your man suit.
I think reading is a pretty smart way.

"Didn't you realize that each of us is a sacred,unique snowflake of special unique specialness?"- Chuck Palahniuk.

Recipe

Thing about Fight Club is
You get the points
You'll be so trapped in Tyler Durden's illustration.

If you don't
Then go back and lick your 12 years education.

Starter For Ten

That book was hilarious.
(Somehow I think the movie was a little bit...vapid.)

But I was freaking astounded that Shanmugam came to my mind when the author introduced the main character Brian Jackson.

Give me indigenous astonishment.
Flash.

So practically I just envisaged Shan doing all those things in my eyes.
"The ironic thing is, I actually am a vicar!"
Shan is a vicar?!
"For a moment I find myself contemplating the politics of this black lacy bra."
Shan is thinking about bra?!

Give me restraint.
Flash.

Let me show you their similarities.

1.Hair
Brian thinks his hair looks like a large bell. Well his friend Tone describes it as the end of a knob.
HAHAHAHA.lmao.
Shan's hair was like that before his extreme make-over ok.

2.Brian has his father's jacket in his wardrobe.
Shan showed me his father/uncle clothes before.

3.Brian knows all the movie actors/actress.
Brian describes guy who runs five miles carrying a load of library books(fit and clever) as Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man.
Like may be Shan'll say 'Clement is the Daniel Radcliffe in Harry Potter when he smiles' instead of 'Clement is showing a BIGFAT grin'.
Or Shan'll say 'Clement is Taylor Lautner' instead of 'his brawn is as BIG(HAHAHA) as his head'.

Give me brazenness

Flash.

4.Sport
Brian goes sport after he falls in love with a girl named Alice.
Shan starts doing sport after _______________.

5.Knowledge
Brian knows R.J.Mitchell the aeronautical engineer died in 1937.
Shan knows lot of weird stuffs too. Like this "..Imperial Russian Navy's flagship in the Battle of Tsushima, during the Russo-Japanese War of 1904-1905. "

(wth is that)

6.Joke
Seems like Brian is the only one who understand his own jokes in the book. Alice always laugh awkwardly after Brian explained that it was actually a joke.
Sometimes I'll just stare at Shan, murmuring in my heart: Is that a statement or a joke? Because his always give you the same face!

Give me a good night yawn.
Flash.