Hiding behind the tree, hoping you won't see me

Because in life, too many people try to tell you what they think is right, and you feel obliged to pretend to agree or nod at what they say although you never asked for their opinions. As they rattle on and on about shits that nobody cares about anymore, we smile and listen, hoping they would finally notice the sweetest silence in our eyes.

We all have our own uniquely odd way to twirl in the mist. Every morning when we open our eyes, we breathe and try to do our best at whatever we are good at, we do things that make us happy. Some people think the best way to have fun is to go wild and swallow down the expensive alcohol the bartender makes and scream through the noisy music (been there done that, meh it's not for me).



I am a big nerd, probably the king of them. Working with kids is my best way to have fun, I spent my public holiday flipping through pages of physiology book because I want to be good at what I do. Or a sad movie, I like sad movie. Steven said I shouldn't mix up my work with my personal life. I didn't tell him this, but my work is personal, when parents allow you to treat their precious children, when patients trust you to extract every tooth in their mouth, mobile or not, it's personal to me. Seeing them walk down the dental chair with gratitude and relief, it's personal to me. Seeing them crying and screaming on the dentail chair, it's personal to me.
I open my eyes in the morning and realise, I am more of a Izzie Steven less of Cristina Yang. And I take pride in that.

A pile of lies and secrets

They say, new year is a good thing, it's a beautiful chance to leave everything that was holding you back behind and then you start fresh, set your goal, take a leap of faith, like a baby bird flipping its wings for the first time. Some people feed on the hopes and dreams that a new year brings them, and they thrive, they try.
The truth is, I don't agree with that..spirit. My sadness, my fear, my despair shouldn't be limited in a time frame, I still need all of them in the future. I don't wanna be done with it, my failure pushes me strong, my dismay moves me forward, sometimes even backward. Every bit of it is as important as the moisturizer I apply on my face every day.

I don't want a specific date or time, to decide for me if it's time to get out of my bed and gain some weight. I will come clean when I am ready, I will reveal the secrets when I am prepared. In the mean time, I wanna hold on to the ashes and try to learn something while I drown.
In this new year, let's cry a little.