I am done, smoking gun.

Putting back 'A Special Providence' to my little bookshelf and slowly, very slowly choosing another book, all the emotions that I've managed to muster get bewildered.

I just finished soaking myself in a second world war story and soon I'm gonna explore another different world, it also means my holiday entertainment just got cut down to a countable number.

Diagnosis: another Tuesday night with insomnia.

With the dim tinge of disorientation lingering in the damp atmosphere, I am losing something I can't quite recognise, bit by bit. I can't help thinking what would have happened in my life if the word "what if" could prove its significant existence.

If I insisted to continue my art lesson, may be I can be a happy painter one day.

If I had a big brother who can teach my basketball or some lame pick up lines, may be masturbation wouldn't be a very sinful thing afterall.

If I had a patient tomorrow, I wouldn't be holding my warm milk around 2am, listening to my new favourite singer.

If I never spent 6 years in a boarding school, right now my heart would be pounding frantically at the thought of going home this weekend.

If I can be less sentimental, who knows I'll have a wider acquaintance.

Now I am aware, I am losing the sense of reality.